pensman

 

scene i

To open up with a visual pun says something about Shakespeare. A visual pun you ask. It's a gravedigger. Not only does he did graves but he is not a " grave"digger. . Look it up. The humor here stands in juxtaposition to the situation. How funny is a burial, particularly Ophelia's?  Let's enjoy some Elizabethan jocularity (that a joke, son, a joke). Adam was the first man who "bore arms," meaning he had a coat of arms. How do we know this? "The scripture says Adam/digged. Could he dig without arm?" Oh, my aching sides. What a wonderful pun on arms. Ha. Ha. Ha. No mas. No mas.

Wait. How about a riddle. "Who builds stronger than /either the mason, the shipwright, or the carpenter?" "The gallows-maker; for that frame outlives a thousand tenants." No that's not it. I know! I know! The "grave maker. The houses he makes lasts till doomsday." What wild and crazy guys these Elizabethan were. Good. Here comes Hamlet. I'm sure he'll bring some real humor to the scene. No. I'm wrong. He's just going off on some philosophical meandering about humankind and the end that awaits us all regardless of life's circumstances.

"That skull had a tongue in it and could sing once. . . ." Or it could be the skull of a "courtier . . . ." "There's another. Why may not that be the skull of a lawyer . . . . Why does he suffer this mad knave now to knock him about . . . and will not tell him of the action of battery."

Enough of this serious musing. Word play. Word play.

“What man dot thou dig it (the grave) for?

For no man sir.

What woman then?

For none, neither.

Who is to be buried in 't?

One that was a woman, sir, but, rest her soul, she's dead.”

That audience must have been rolling in the pit by now. Anymore subtle digs like those and I won't be able to hit the keyboard. But it's not over. It seems this gravedigger began his craft the day young Hamlet was born. The very Hamlet who was sent to England because he was mad. Why England? Because there he won't stand out because "There the men are as mad as he." I can't go on. I'm too weak from laughter. You'll just have to learn on your own whose body will keep the longest in the grave. But how old is Hamlet? Thirty!  Wow, I bet you thought he was younger.

Here's a familiar skull. Yorick, the jester. This guy must have had one interesting head such that his skull is so easy to identify. Anyway serious turn. Look at what happened to the lips I used to kiss says Hamlet. No grinning now, too chapfallen. (I don't believe it, another belly buster snuck in). Women, learn your lesson. No matter how you trowel on the makeup this is what you will come to. Don't forget to read to discover how Alexander the Great came to be a stopper in a beer barrel or how Julius Caesar turned into a wall patch; but we must pause for here come the king, queen, Laertes, lords, and a corpse.

The Doctor is here to preside solemnly over the proceedings as "Her obsequies have been far enlarged As we have warranty." I only include this because of the word obsequies. When you read or will read Huckleberry Finn there is an entire seen that works on your knowing this scene from Hamlet. Now you'll know it and be smart.

Onward. Ophelia is to be buried. Unfortunately since she took her own life there will be no big ceremony. Laertes is upset his sister is being so ill buried. The queen is sad as she had hoped Ophelia and Hamlet would have married. Well, duh, where was she with this news at the beginning of the play. Polonius would probably still be here. Good job Gertrude.

Laertes can't bear his grief and jumps into the grave to hold his sister and he tells them above to bury them both the "quick and the dead." Oh, but look, Here comes Hamlet and his heart is breaking. To prove this he jumps into the grave.  It is getting crowded down there. Laertes  greets Hamlet with firm shake of hands. "I prithee take thy fingers from my throat." Sorry, I guess Laertes mistook the throat for hands.

Separated from each other Hamlet announces he loved Ophelia more than forty thousand brothers could. If Laertes is willing to be buried alive with his sister than so is Hamlet. Why Laertes don't you understand?  "I loved you ever." OK, so I accidentally killed your father and drove your sister to madness, then suicide; is that enough of a reason to be so angry with me? Hamlet isn't mad, he's stupid.

Well Claudius tries to comfort Laertes at the end by reminding him of the plan for Hamlet's death they spoke about a few scenes ago. A grave ending.

scene ii

Say what about Guild and Roz? What's with them? On the way to England, Hamlet picked R and G's packet and read the sealed letter they were taking to the King. Guess what? It wasn't a letter of introduction but instructions to chop off Hamlet's head. All right Claudius. Proof. Hamlet has the original letter. Then what did G and R give to the king in England? A new commission written by Hamlet instructing the king to put the bearers of the letter to immediate death and not even to allow them time to make their peace with God. Jeeze, and these were his boyhood buddies. What does this tell us about the nature of princes and future kings?

You ask  “But how did Hamlet seal his letter?”   Wouldn't you know he had his father's signet ring with him and that was that. See, future kings are prepared for anything.

Anyhow, Hamlet still has Claud to take care of--"He that hath killed my king and whored my mother,/Popped in between th' election and my hopes,/Thrown out his angle for my proper life . . ."--and Laertes to make up with. Good luck there; but enter Osric. Does Hamlet like Osric or respect him--"Dost know this waterfly"--what do you think?

Osric has come to invite Hamlet to engage in a contest with Laertes using rapier and dagger. More word play and blah, blah, blah to get us to the Horatio's belief "You will lose, my lord." Not so says Hamlet. "Since he (Laertes) went to France, I have been in continual practice. I shall win . . . ." but I do have some strange misgivings about this contest coming at this strangest of times muses Hamlet. But Hamlet has become somewhat of a fatalist: If it be now, 'tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come. The readiness is all." Or, whatever will be will be. Heavy.

Here comes everybody. Laertes, says Hamlet, I'm sorry. Hamlet, says Laertes, so you say. Hey guys, says Claudius, lets get going. I've placed a pretty big bet on Hamlet even though the odds favor Laertes, but that's the kind of guy I am. And I have wine here for you guys to drink as you get thirsty. I don't know about you but giving guys fighting with rapier and dagger booze as refreshment, doesn't sound kosher to me. Was there no MAD back then? Wait, Hamlet was mad, wasn't he, so does that count?

They start and the first to score a hit is--Hamlet. He has been practicing!  Surprise. As a reward Claudius picks up a goblet, drinks to Hamlet's victory, and drops a pearl in the goblet as an inducement for Hamlet to finish the drink. And what do we think that pearl was coated in boys and girls? Could it have been poison? But Hamlet says he'll hold off till the next round; BUT Gertrude goes over to mop Hamlet's brow and decides to down the wine herself.

DON'T DRINK GERTRUDE, says Claudius; but she does. Now if you were Laertes wouldn't you wonder what was going on? Maybe his grief blinds his common sense. Wait, Laertes does begin to think--"it is almost against my conscience" to go along but Hamlet gets wounded with the poisoned rapier and then Hamlet attacks Laertes. Rapiers are dropped. When picked up Hamlet has the deadly rapier and wounds Laertes. Then the queen falls to the floor. THUD number 1. I am poisoned, the drink, the drink. Who , what? Hamlet, yells Laertes, I too am dead and so are you. The king is guilty. THUD number 2. Hamlet turns on the king and stabs him then forces the poisoned wine down his throat. THUD number 3. Horatio, I am dead. Almost to THUD number 4. I can't live without my buddy. Let me drink the last of the poison, says Horatio. What a pal. NO! says Hamlet. Someone has to stay behind to tell the tale.

Enter Fortinbras back from Poland. Good timing. But guess what. In come the English ambassadors to let Claudius know Roz and Guild are dead. THUD number 5 and THUD number 6. (Offstage of course but there are a lot of dead bodies on stage.) Watch your step. Do you notice how all this has worked out for Fortinbras. He gets all the lost land back and gets to be king. You don't think he had anything to do with this? Nah.

Lets end with a pun. "Bear Hamlet to the stage,/For he was likely, had he been put on,/To have proved most royal."

Get it. Hamlet the character and Hamlet the play. If he had become king he would have been great. If the play was put on it too would be great. Built in review. What a guy. What a play. What notes!

 rburnich©1996